The Resurrection of Spongebob, God of the Invertebrates
by SteelMann
Summary: Spongebob is dead, but no grave can hold him.
1. Chapter 1

Zombiebob

Last year, Spongebob was killed in a tragic boating accident. His corpse was dragged out of the boat, with his eyes missing and his skull shattered. It looked as if his death was instantaneous.

Patrick cried when he heard the news. He was wearing his favourite shorts, dancing like a sea monster. That was when the police arrived, with the news of Spongebob's death.

Sandy cried so much that she drowned in a pool of her own tears. She, too, will be missed.

Poor Mr. Krabs had a heart attack, and everyone who was still alive was surprised that he had a heart.

Even Squidward cried, although he tried to hide it. When no one was looking, he would stand in front of the cash register, with the station Spongebob once worked squarely behind him. It was then that the memories of Spongebob flowed freely. The sorrow was always overwhelming, and Squidward was eventually fired because the customers were tired of listening to his awful, somehow monotonous, whaling.

For all affected, the tears that were shed were the product of years of fond memories of the lovely Sponge. Long live Spongebob, the god of the invertebrates.

And that was when Spongebob rose from his grave and terrorized Bikini Bottom. First, he ate the children. Now, you might be thinking that Spongebob loves children, and you'd be right. He loved them so much that he put them in his stomach forever. Gurgle, gurgle.

He cooked the babies and sold the fat kids, who no one liked. The rest of Bikini Bottom was made a colony of Spongebobtopia, the land of the god of the invertebrates. Fish of all types were enslaved and made fry cooks, flipping burgers, like Spongebob did. Spongebob, of course, didn't forget about how he was constantly flipped off when he was flipping burgers. He used the opportunity to get his revenge by ripping off every fish's middle fin while turning their gills inside out. The suffocating fish learned their lesson quite quickly; there were no survivors.

Finally, Spongebob rose his hand and said, "gwad-alikki-mawlikki-nachunga-thobat-shortunty-kablOOEY!" The dead stood up once more, this time with feeling. They were alive for the first time in minutes, hours, days, and millennia.

And don't forget that I'm happy to write these lovely stories for you so long as everyone is very nice and doesn't leave hateful comments. Just because my writing has improved doesn't give you the right to be a hater. Please await the arrival of the story of Trump saving Bikini Bottom from the tyranny of the undead fish and their leader, Spongebob.


	2. The Battle of Rock Bottom

For Spongebob, he knew that the fall of Bikini Bottom could only be the beginning of his conquests. Already, there were rumors of hostile forces gathering around Rock Bottom, poised to take Glove World. If Glove World was allowed to fall, it would precipitate a steep decrease in tourism revenue for the Undead Republic.

Spongebob gathered his men, telling them about the disastrous news; an army was calling and everyone was going to be killed, again. Nobody knows what happens to the double dead, but the corpses of Bikini Bottom weren't interested in finding out. On Spongebob's orders, they gathered their belongings and prepared for a pre-emptive strike on the bottom feeders.

Leading the army was Spongebob, the field marshal. He was accompanied by his general, Sandy, and his chief advisor, Plankton. Plankton, it was said, could see trouble coming for miles, making him a capable security officer, tasked with maintaining stability in conquered territories.

The Undead Republic, formerly known as Bikini Bottom, mobilized its forces, down to every man, woman, and child. The soldiers were told to gather anything that could be used as a weapon: knives, reef blowers, fatties, and more. The children were told to find cover in the battlefield. This could be an alleyway, a wooded area, or anything else that provided a good deal of protection from the wicked forces of the living. The men and women were told to gather in groups no larger than 50, blunting the impact of enemy bombardment and allowing them to encircle hostile armies. The logic was simple: a main force consisting of a variety of smaller companies would rapidly advance, forming six larger divisions that could cut off an enemy's supply line at a moment's notice. The order would be given, and the enemy would be trapped. The Battle of Rock Bottom would be the first test of Spongebob's plan.

Spongebob's army had another asset that shouldn't be overlooked: the fish's undying faith in the God of the Invertebrates. This turned the conflict between the living and the dead into a holy war, with the dead believing that they would cease to exist entirely should they lose. Spongebob, the deity who first resurrected them, was treated as the saviour; he made Bikini Bottom atone for its sins, and he would do the same to the rest of the world. With unwavering morale and a revered leader, the soldiers of the Undead Republic were motivated, armed, and incredibly dangerous.

The road to Rock Bottom was mostly deserted, and the few travelers who were caught driving their boatmobiles were disemboweled and conscripted into Spongebob's army. Oh, the terror they must have felt before they died; many of the dead were deceased for hundreds of years, and they had no flesh to conceal their bones. The skeletal beings functioned, to a varying extent, as Spongebob's shock troops, leading the way and mercilessly punishing the weak and foolish. Those motorists didn't stand a chance.

The rush into Rock Bottom began with the blaring of a trumpet, followed by a soliloquy from the corpse formerly known as Squidward: "holy shit! You've really done it this time, haven't you?"

Spongebob crept closer to the squid-shaped corpse, gently consoling him: "my child, I'll forgive you for your outburst. All I need now is your absolute loyalty, for your soul will be compromised without it."

Squidward was more unnerved than consoled: "I'm so sorry, my dear God. Please, forgive me for my transgressions."

"I forgive you, not only for that outburst but for your actions as a living being."

Plankton, who was standing next to Spongebob, couldn't help but laugh at the sight of one of his tormentors prostrating before the true God. "You were never particularly clever, Squidward."

Spongebob's forces rushed down the Great Vertical Road leading to the dwelling of the deformed monsters of Rock Bottom. It was composed of only a few homes and a bus terminal. Nevertheless, the place was crowded, with monsters of all kinds gathering around one another, speaking only in tongues. The sight of the forces of the Undead Republic shocked, but did not scare, the creatures of the deep.

They gathered around one another, forming a strange version of the Roman turtle. In the front were the foot soldiers, small beings of comparable size to the men of the Undead Republic. In the middle were the stalky creatures, followed by the tall, skinny ones. In the very back, however, lay the settlement's secret weapons; fish that were up to 50 feet tall, ready to lob their waste at any approaching army.

The first groups of Spongebob's men were broken by the balls of excrement. Unfortunately, there weren't enough, and the poop was hardly fatal, even for the afflicted fish. It would be absurd to dismiss these efforts as a failure, mind you, as those who were hit by poop bombs only regrouped after the battle, taking up to 1/6 of Spongebob's forces out of action. Nevertheless, Spongebob's boys overwhelmed the bottom feeders and surrounded them, cutting them off from everywhere except the village centre. There lay their last hope of survival.

The monsters of Rock Bottom retreated into the bus stop, barricading the doors and preparing for their last stand. Within seconds, though, came Spongebob's forces, ready to storm the building. He decided, along with general Sandy, to rush the doors, given that the poop shooters were already defeated and summarily converted. There was no risk for Spongebob, now that Rock Bottom's best troops were murdered and conscripted. After the efforts of Larry and the other bodybuilders failed to remove the heavily reinforced steel door, Spongebob ordered that the bus stop be crushed.

Just after he gave the order, though, came a red anglerfish, offering Spongebob a hand-shaped balloon as a peace offering. Spongebob was less than impressed, and he shot lasers out of his eyes to vaporise the poor thing, making his body unusable in the process. The only thing the God of the Invertebrates regretted about his act was that he lost a potential soldier.

The captured bottom dwellers complied with the demand of their new master, and the bus stop was crushed, first with a monster's tail, and then with another's feet. The cries of the monsters echoed across the Pacific, and their horrific pain could be heard for hundreds of miles. Finally, a scaly, demonic beast sat on the bus stop, and that was when the crying stopped. So ended the battle of Rock Bottom.

It would be some time before the White House was told about the emperor of the ocean…


End file.
